And yet more Player Profiles

'Sally' / 'Fuddy' Duddy is a midfield General...well...at least a corporal who also plays in the centre of defence. He can often be seen striding forth across the field of play with extraordinary confidence shortly before remembering that he is playing for the OP's....

Judas is a defender with a typical OP philosophy. If it moves kick it. The ball, the opposition, his team mates. If you want to avoid serious injury do not move in the area patrolled by Judas. He will not let you past whether ball, player or stray dog.....

Darren (no nickname as yet) took over goalkeeping duties from Four Dinners who may or may not have retired depending on his alcohol consumption. Darren stops the ball from entering our goal on an extraordinary number of occasions - unlike Four Dinners - and he can also kick the bloody thing beyond the half way line - unlike Four Dinners. He also fails to win the 'Tortoise Moment' more often than any previous OP goalkeeper.

Stormin' is a Scotsman. Well, nobody's perfect. Apart from that he is a good egg. He lives in Scotland again - I think - so appears only on tour. Nobody can quite remember where Stormin' is supposed to play - although being Scottish it certainly isn't in goal. He trundles about up front in the hope the ball will hit him and enter the opposition goal. A natural OP in every way.

More Player Profiles

I'm trying to decide whether 'Player Profiles' proves or disproves we are a football team. Ah well. Tally Ho! On we go....

Mr Chairman was elected Mr Chairman so long ago nobody can quite remember why. Never the less he is a stalwart in the OP defence and is believed to be the only 6 feet something tall centre half to physically shrink in order to head the ball - frequently from ground level.....


Mark was formerly known as Fat Boy until his mother suggested this could give him a complex. In an unusual show of understanding the OP's evermore have referred to him as Mark, formerly known as Fat Boy. He confines his silky skills to the centre circle with such determination that many centre circles have ended up considerably shallower than the rest of the pitch at the end of 90 minutes...



Jesus is so named due to his long hair and biblical appearance. It is not known whether he can walk on water. He can, however walk around a football pitch occasionally breaking into a mild dignified trot as befits his appearance. He has alarmed the opposition on more than one occasion by holding his arms out wide resulting in them falling to their knees in prayer....

Fero was originally known as Pharoah as he is our Egyptian International. It then came to light that he was previously known as Fero by a Portugese girl friend. Fero apparently means strong man. The OP's were so confused by this that they decided Fero was just easier than arguing the toss. He is a striker extraordinaire and has far more deft touches than you would expect from an Old Pretender.

More player profiles will follow shortly......

Player Profiles

Player profiles???? Oh shit!!!!

This is quite reasonably a valuable page...yes it is...look I'm doing the fucking site so shut the fuck up...because there have been an awful lot of OP's over the years.

This is the recently retired Chief Executive, JC. He could continue to play indefintely as he is so disgustingly fit but he has realised that his continued efforts on the field of play embarrass...embarass...embarrass... (how the hell do you spell that???) younger players so he has, reluctantly, decided to retire....except when we are short so he will be playing still.....

Bazza The Lime Pickle Man aka Blocker is a defender. That is not necessarily a position to boast about given our 'goals against' statistics. Never the less Bazza, apart from designing our Tour Shirt Crests, has devotedly sliced any number of shin pads in our quest to not concede in double figures....

BabyFace aka Burmese Boy aka TT retired a couple of tours ago. This is puzzling as he continued to play on tour for the following three years. Considering he was given a 'guard of honour' send off in his last game...or what was supposed to be his last game....his cheek at appearing and playing every now and then is typical of the OP's. BabyFace is a nickname resulting from a stripper and baby oil. Further details may be forthcoming........

Not surprisingly....or...maybe it will be....Player Profiles will take up a fairly large number of posts.

This last chap incidently is Delilah.

Apart from being Welsh...which may be forgivable...he is a goalkeeper.

This is indoubtedly the most unforgivable position in any OP team.... trust me I know...

The Old Pretenders FC.

The first of many many many many player profiles.

Be afraid.....be very afraid.....