The tour for this year has been cancelled due to insufficient numbers available on any of the alternative dates.
Bum.
I will now go to The Five Bells and sulk.
Sunday, 26 July 2009
Sunday, 31 May 2009
OP Games Evening 2009
It seems an eternity since I've updated the OP blogsite.
I have fined myself 20 pence for being so lax - in my defence I have been trying to keep union members gainfully employed against an increasingly demented management...
Anyroad, to the matter in hand.
The traditional OP Games Evening was held at The Chief Executives humble abode on Saturday 30th May 2009.
A number of OP's were strangely absent from the occasion for no fathomable reason. Although we are all getting older we aren't aware that anyone has died lately?
Despite the reduced numbers and excellent evening was had by all as the beer flowed, the blackjack table heaved as did the roulette table and, for the even older OP's games of bingo were played....
The evening was enhanced by the catering skills of Mark, Formerly known as Fatboy, setting fire to anything edible or otherwise on the BBQ.
The traditional Penny Up The Arse tournament rounded off the evening with, rather embarrassingly, the Ladies Team emerging victorious for the third consecutive year.
It can only be assumed that the female has better buttock control.....
JC, The Chief Executive, poses in a manner he retained for the entire evening...
Mark, Formerly known as Fatboy, takes pyrotechnics to a new dimension....
Wiggy, these days somewhat de-wiggyfied, keeps a wisely safe distance from the BBQ...
Bazza The Lime Pickle Man has recovered well from falling through a garage roof. His reasons for being on said garage roof apparently concerned a lady who required a favour. Perhaps I should leave it there.....
Is Mooro looking increasingly like an elderly Joe 90 or is it me?
Mr Chairman arrived somewhat justifiably sozzled after witnessing his beloved Chelsea lift the F.A. Cup earlier that day at Wembley...
I have no idea what Pookie is on but rest assured it will not be entirely legal....
CJ is definitely on beer although, rather alarmingly, he could be Mooro's long lost brother - if, that is, Mooro had a long lost brother....
Chucker thankfully didn't live up to his name after wolfing down several hot dogs...
Geri Kettle Pot gets in the mood whilst Kathy's look of alarm increased as the evening progressed and she discovered her selection for the Ladies Penny Up The Arse team......
The blackjack table saw brisk business as did....
The roulette table where Keeper Keeper Goal appears to be counting his winnings - which he immediately lost on the next spin of the wheel....
Jesus will select his own raffle ticket number regardless of looking the other way. Well? He is Jesus after all - this years tour may be to the Bournemouth area where Jesus' father lives which could result in the Old Pretenders meeting God....
Four Dinners attempt at Penny Up The Arse suggests he's auditioning for the next Alien movie - although Christ knows what's about to burst out of him....
Ladies Captain Cindy points the way to Penny Up The Arse victory...
Tootall shows a worryingly effeminate PUTA style....seems like a nice boy....
Franka is illegally coached by Cindy. Should have been disqualified. Disgraceful behaviour. Sour grapes? Never!!!
Mark, Formerly known as Fatboy, seems to be enjoying PUTA rather too much. This is very wrong in so many many ways.....
If The Ladies Team Captain doesn't appear twice she's threatened to put the penny where it may never be found again so, as they won, I will comply....
The winning team photograph.
Pure luck.
Thank you to JC and Sally for hosting the evening and further OP blog updates will be following a little more regularly in future....
Laters and let's be careful out there......
I have fined myself 20 pence for being so lax - in my defence I have been trying to keep union members gainfully employed against an increasingly demented management...
Anyroad, to the matter in hand.
The traditional OP Games Evening was held at The Chief Executives humble abode on Saturday 30th May 2009.
A number of OP's were strangely absent from the occasion for no fathomable reason. Although we are all getting older we aren't aware that anyone has died lately?
Despite the reduced numbers and excellent evening was had by all as the beer flowed, the blackjack table heaved as did the roulette table and, for the even older OP's games of bingo were played....
The evening was enhanced by the catering skills of Mark, Formerly known as Fatboy, setting fire to anything edible or otherwise on the BBQ.
The traditional Penny Up The Arse tournament rounded off the evening with, rather embarrassingly, the Ladies Team emerging victorious for the third consecutive year.
It can only be assumed that the female has better buttock control.....
JC, The Chief Executive, poses in a manner he retained for the entire evening...
Mark, Formerly known as Fatboy, takes pyrotechnics to a new dimension....
Wiggy, these days somewhat de-wiggyfied, keeps a wisely safe distance from the BBQ...
Bazza The Lime Pickle Man has recovered well from falling through a garage roof. His reasons for being on said garage roof apparently concerned a lady who required a favour. Perhaps I should leave it there.....
Is Mooro looking increasingly like an elderly Joe 90 or is it me?
Mr Chairman arrived somewhat justifiably sozzled after witnessing his beloved Chelsea lift the F.A. Cup earlier that day at Wembley...
I have no idea what Pookie is on but rest assured it will not be entirely legal....
CJ is definitely on beer although, rather alarmingly, he could be Mooro's long lost brother - if, that is, Mooro had a long lost brother....
Chucker thankfully didn't live up to his name after wolfing down several hot dogs...
Geri Kettle Pot gets in the mood whilst Kathy's look of alarm increased as the evening progressed and she discovered her selection for the Ladies Penny Up The Arse team......
The blackjack table saw brisk business as did....
The roulette table where Keeper Keeper Goal appears to be counting his winnings - which he immediately lost on the next spin of the wheel....
Jesus will select his own raffle ticket number regardless of looking the other way. Well? He is Jesus after all - this years tour may be to the Bournemouth area where Jesus' father lives which could result in the Old Pretenders meeting God....
Four Dinners attempt at Penny Up The Arse suggests he's auditioning for the next Alien movie - although Christ knows what's about to burst out of him....
Ladies Captain Cindy points the way to Penny Up The Arse victory...
Tootall shows a worryingly effeminate PUTA style....seems like a nice boy....
Franka is illegally coached by Cindy. Should have been disqualified. Disgraceful behaviour. Sour grapes? Never!!!
Mark, Formerly known as Fatboy, seems to be enjoying PUTA rather too much. This is very wrong in so many many ways.....
If The Ladies Team Captain doesn't appear twice she's threatened to put the penny where it may never be found again so, as they won, I will comply....
The winning team photograph.
Pure luck.
Thank you to JC and Sally for hosting the evening and further OP blog updates will be following a little more regularly in future....
Laters and let's be careful out there......
Monday, 23 February 2009
OP's 1 - Norsemen 5
The OP's largest away gate of the season, consisting of Four Dinners and Karen Kinky Boots (pictured) watched the OP's huff and puff to an unlucky 5 - 1 defeat.
Unlucky? You may ask increduously. Well...most of it was and I was there. So there!
An excellent turn out gave Mark, Formerly Known as Fatboy, a selection problem as 13 OP's had arrived to play incuding debutant Darren (pictured in the white shorts) who had played a number of seasons as a semi professional goalkeeper for East something or other in Scotland.
The fact that he'd been a goalkeeper in Scotland immediately guarenteed he would not be going in goal for the OP's - although as he isn't actually a Jock but a northerner like moi he will probably see service between the sticks at some point.....
The OP's got off to a flying start with that well known Charging Wildebeast, Ralgex, putting us a goal up after only ten minutes. Judas commented that Ralgex was more akin to a Crazed Gazelle but, as Gazelles are graceful creatures, it was decided Charging Wildebeast remained more fitting.
A worthy first half saw Mark, Formerly Known as Fatboy, put the OP's 2 up with an excellent header only for it to be disallowed by a very dubious referee decision. Considering MFKAFB's usual reluctance to leave the centre circle it was even more unfair if you ask me.
Debutant Darren then earned a 20 pence fine for giving away a penalty shortly before half time with a hand ball in the area from which Goalkeeper Darren almost saved - but didn't.
The second half went the way of many second halves for the OP's. Despite manfully trying to play uphill the inevitable collapse ensued in the final fifteen minutes.
Still, a valiant effort until the legs went.
Goalkeeper Darren narrowly avoided a Tortoise Moment nomination by diving spectacularly several seconds after the ball had entered our goal. Defenders Debutant Darren, Joe, Jinxie and Scouse Deux had supurbly kept the oppostion out until the midfield legs went and the Norsemen charged forwards.
Anthony 'Fuddy' Duddy of the Brothers Fuddy Duddy had an excellent game in the middle as did Judas - joined in the second half by Jesus and Alan. Leotard made a nuisance of himself up front and was unfortunate on a number of occasions when the ball was played through and he would have been clear on goal had it not hit him on the arse...
Wiggy played a great game for the entire 90 minutes and was possibly our best player on the day - which may or may not be a compliment depending on your point of view....
L-R Rear - Jesus,Jinxie,Alan,Debutant Darren,Keeper Darren,Ralgex,Mark FKAFB,Wiggy,Anthony Fuddy Duddy
L-R Front - Judas,Scouse Deux,Leotard,Joe
Refreshments were enjoyed in the clubhouse where Debutant Darren paid his penalty 20 pence fine. Other 20 pence fines were paid by Scouse Deux, Ralgex and Jesus for failing to wear an Old Pretender T-shirt.
The card was won by Joe I think - I was outside having a smoke at the time - who recouped his 20 pence fine for wearing white football boots and another 20 pence fine as they weren't his.
The Tortoise Moment went to Ralgex who fell over a rubbish bin in the changing room.
Unlucky? You may ask increduously. Well...most of it was and I was there. So there!
An excellent turn out gave Mark, Formerly Known as Fatboy, a selection problem as 13 OP's had arrived to play incuding debutant Darren (pictured in the white shorts) who had played a number of seasons as a semi professional goalkeeper for East something or other in Scotland.
The fact that he'd been a goalkeeper in Scotland immediately guarenteed he would not be going in goal for the OP's - although as he isn't actually a Jock but a northerner like moi he will probably see service between the sticks at some point.....
The OP's got off to a flying start with that well known Charging Wildebeast, Ralgex, putting us a goal up after only ten minutes. Judas commented that Ralgex was more akin to a Crazed Gazelle but, as Gazelles are graceful creatures, it was decided Charging Wildebeast remained more fitting.
A worthy first half saw Mark, Formerly Known as Fatboy, put the OP's 2 up with an excellent header only for it to be disallowed by a very dubious referee decision. Considering MFKAFB's usual reluctance to leave the centre circle it was even more unfair if you ask me.
Debutant Darren then earned a 20 pence fine for giving away a penalty shortly before half time with a hand ball in the area from which Goalkeeper Darren almost saved - but didn't.
The second half went the way of many second halves for the OP's. Despite manfully trying to play uphill the inevitable collapse ensued in the final fifteen minutes.
Still, a valiant effort until the legs went.
Goalkeeper Darren narrowly avoided a Tortoise Moment nomination by diving spectacularly several seconds after the ball had entered our goal. Defenders Debutant Darren, Joe, Jinxie and Scouse Deux had supurbly kept the oppostion out until the midfield legs went and the Norsemen charged forwards.
Anthony 'Fuddy' Duddy of the Brothers Fuddy Duddy had an excellent game in the middle as did Judas - joined in the second half by Jesus and Alan. Leotard made a nuisance of himself up front and was unfortunate on a number of occasions when the ball was played through and he would have been clear on goal had it not hit him on the arse...
Wiggy played a great game for the entire 90 minutes and was possibly our best player on the day - which may or may not be a compliment depending on your point of view....
L-R Rear - Jesus,Jinxie,Alan,Debutant Darren,Keeper Darren,Ralgex,Mark FKAFB,Wiggy,Anthony Fuddy Duddy
L-R Front - Judas,Scouse Deux,Leotard,Joe
Refreshments were enjoyed in the clubhouse where Debutant Darren paid his penalty 20 pence fine. Other 20 pence fines were paid by Scouse Deux, Ralgex and Jesus for failing to wear an Old Pretender T-shirt.
The card was won by Joe I think - I was outside having a smoke at the time - who recouped his 20 pence fine for wearing white football boots and another 20 pence fine as they weren't his.
The Tortoise Moment went to Ralgex who fell over a rubbish bin in the changing room.
Thursday, 5 February 2009
Abandoned and all alone....
Sadly, this Sundays game has been called of.
This has pissed me off as I have struggled to get the OP blog going and have had little time to tweek it.
This Sunday I was available to attend the game and the first blog match report would have appeared.
Fuck.
So we must leave Bazza on the bog and look forward to next week when I am free again and the first blog match report will be posted.
Thursday, 15 January 2009
And yet more Player Profiles
'Sally' / 'Fuddy' Duddy is a midfield General...well...at least a corporal who also plays in the centre of defence. He can often be seen striding forth across the field of play with extraordinary confidence shortly before remembering that he is playing for the OP's....
Judas is a defender with a typical OP philosophy. If it moves kick it. The ball, the opposition, his team mates. If you want to avoid serious injury do not move in the area patrolled by Judas. He will not let you past whether ball, player or stray dog.....
Darren (no nickname as yet) took over goalkeeping duties from Four Dinners who may or may not have retired depending on his alcohol consumption. Darren stops the ball from entering our goal on an extraordinary number of occasions - unlike Four Dinners - and he can also kick the bloody thing beyond the half way line - unlike Four Dinners. He also fails to win the 'Tortoise Moment' more often than any previous OP goalkeeper.
Stormin' is a Scotsman. Well, nobody's perfect. Apart from that he is a good egg. He lives in Scotland again - I think - so appears only on tour. Nobody can quite remember where Stormin' is supposed to play - although being Scottish it certainly isn't in goal. He trundles about up front in the hope the ball will hit him and enter the opposition goal. A natural OP in every way.
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
More Player Profiles
I'm trying to decide whether 'Player Profiles' proves or disproves we are a football team. Ah well. Tally Ho! On we go....
Mr Chairman was elected Mr Chairman so long ago nobody can quite remember why. Never the less he is a stalwart in the OP defence and is believed to be the only 6 feet something tall centre half to physically shrink in order to head the ball - frequently from ground level.....
Mark was formerly known as Fat Boy until his mother suggested this could give him a complex. In an unusual show of understanding the OP's evermore have referred to him as Mark, formerly known as Fat Boy. He confines his silky skills to the centre circle with such determination that many centre circles have ended up considerably shallower than the rest of the pitch at the end of 90 minutes...
Jesus is so named due to his long hair and biblical appearance. It is not known whether he can walk on water. He can, however walk around a football pitch occasionally breaking into a mild dignified trot as befits his appearance. He has alarmed the opposition on more than one occasion by holding his arms out wide resulting in them falling to their knees in prayer....
Fero was originally known as Pharoah as he is our Egyptian International. It then came to light that he was previously known as Fero by a Portugese girl friend. Fero apparently means strong man. The OP's were so confused by this that they decided Fero was just easier than arguing the toss. He is a striker extraordinaire and has far more deft touches than you would expect from an Old Pretender.
Mr Chairman was elected Mr Chairman so long ago nobody can quite remember why. Never the less he is a stalwart in the OP defence and is believed to be the only 6 feet something tall centre half to physically shrink in order to head the ball - frequently from ground level.....
Mark was formerly known as Fat Boy until his mother suggested this could give him a complex. In an unusual show of understanding the OP's evermore have referred to him as Mark, formerly known as Fat Boy. He confines his silky skills to the centre circle with such determination that many centre circles have ended up considerably shallower than the rest of the pitch at the end of 90 minutes...
Jesus is so named due to his long hair and biblical appearance. It is not known whether he can walk on water. He can, however walk around a football pitch occasionally breaking into a mild dignified trot as befits his appearance. He has alarmed the opposition on more than one occasion by holding his arms out wide resulting in them falling to their knees in prayer....
Fero was originally known as Pharoah as he is our Egyptian International. It then came to light that he was previously known as Fero by a Portugese girl friend. Fero apparently means strong man. The OP's were so confused by this that they decided Fero was just easier than arguing the toss. He is a striker extraordinaire and has far more deft touches than you would expect from an Old Pretender.
More player profiles will follow shortly......
Friday, 9 January 2009
Chucker and The Trophies
Immediately below is 'Arthurs Boot'
'Arthurs Boot' is a trophy given to the winners of an OP 6 a-side tournament in...er....um...wherever the fuck it was....
We wore an orange shirt......oh for Christs sake!!!! Call me Al....short for Alzheimers....
Anyroad...'Arthurs Boot' was in honour of Arthur 'Bob The Coach' Barton who sadly shuffled off this mortal coil shortly before this particular tour... A suggestion that 'Arthurs Boot' could be hollowed out to contain some of Arthurs ashes was only rejected on the grounds that we had no idea where the fuck Arthurs ashes where......
Captain Pugwash is presented with his 'Penny Up The Arse' tour trophy.
'Arthurs Boot' is a trophy given to the winners of an OP 6 a-side tournament in...er....um...wherever the fuck it was....
We wore an orange shirt......oh for Christs sake!!!! Call me Al....short for Alzheimers....
Anyroad...'Arthurs Boot' was in honour of Arthur 'Bob The Coach' Barton who sadly shuffled off this mortal coil shortly before this particular tour... A suggestion that 'Arthurs Boot' could be hollowed out to contain some of Arthurs ashes was only rejected on the grounds that we had no idea where the fuck Arthurs ashes where......
Captain Pugwash is presented with his 'Penny Up The Arse' tour trophy.
As a 'relatively new' Old Pretender Captain Pugwash is highly honoured to be splashed all over the interweb thingy in this way....
Never the less, the glory was his.
I now come to a far more important topic.
Where is Chuckers puke?
Chucker - and a photo will be forthcoming when he mails me one - became the only OP to have a medallion named after him.
The medallion in question was made up of.....in no uncertain terms... his puke.
Where is it?????
Who has got it?????
A 20p fine WILOL...WILOL??....I'm pissed....WILL be paid by the insideous (is that how you spell it? How the fuck do I know????) reprobate (that's spelt correctly) who nicked it.
Rumour has it that a senior OP is in posession of this highly sought after souvenier...souven...oh fuck it.....thingy....
Right.
Chucker Puke Trophy is formally 'missing'.
Take yer pick. A 20p fine or a 20p reward from club funds for its return.....
Laters 'n let's be careful out there...
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